smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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