They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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