i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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