i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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