the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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