eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
