My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
