She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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