finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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