i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
