i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
