i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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