Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
