thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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