I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
