You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
