So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
