Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
