closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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