look no pants
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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