Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
