look no pants
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
