this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Two words: blizzard sex
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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