We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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