How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
