I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
