I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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