How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize