Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
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We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
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Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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