I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
