So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
