Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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