i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
