Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
