He kissed a someone with a penis
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
