We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
