ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
