You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
