No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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