you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
