3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
