Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
