so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
