why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
