Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
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Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
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I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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