May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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