My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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