i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i will never coherently bang her
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He has the fingertips of a God
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