I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
