I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
