someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
