She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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