I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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