i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize