So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
meet me or not, i'm out of control
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but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
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Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
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