walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
