i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.