he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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