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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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