I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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