Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
there is puke in my bra ... again
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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