return my video game
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
