I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
