Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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