he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
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Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
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I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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