So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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